Got a lot of things in mind for the past few days but the majority is to find work. No matter what kind of work I have, I always end up feeling that it’s never enough. I don’t know if it’s the contentment or it’s the salary but knowing the plans I have for this year, it’s probably more of the salary. With my salary now, there’s no way I could buy the things I want. It’s just too small. Even my brother said it is small. Well, it is. But it’s not like there’s any way I could really complain about my salary. Since there’s no way I can complain about it, the only solution I know is to find another job. A kind of job that doesn’t require a lot of thinking but more of my artistic skills. A kind of job that I’ll enjoy doing and would earn me money at the same time. All I need is a job that could add to my monthly income. 

Regret

This is the first time I lost someone who’s really close to me. Or at least saw it with my own eyes. I may have seen my grandparents died but since I wasn’t that close to them I wasn’t so affected and cried a lot. This time after losing a cousin – someone who’s so close to me – I was really affected and cried a lot too.. This cousin of mine, during my childhood days, she was like a second mom to me. Whenever I’m at the province, I’m always with her. She always takes care of me and brings me with her wherever she goes. When I was just at the door, tears already fell nonstop and the moment I finally had a look at her in her coffin, I’m speechless. It was really true. She really was one of my closest cousin and she really already left us.

I can’t even remember when was the last time we met and talked and if I remembered it right, it was probably 2 years ago since I wasn’t able to meet with her last year nov1. Realizing that I was filled with regrets that we weren’t able to meet when I still had the time and when she was still alive. Finally accepting the fact that she already left us, my childhood memories kept on flashing back on me a while ago. I realize how much I missed her and now there’s nothing I can do coz she’s already gone and now I’m filled with regret.

Spend time with your loved ones when you still have the chance. Spend time with them when they’re still alive.

“Forever” don’t exist

There had been a lot of happenings recently. Happenings that I could never imagine would happen in just short span of time.

You meet someone. You become friends. You become close. Things gets complicated then everything vanish.

You met someone. You fell for him. You’re happy. You’re hurt. You moved on. Someone new came. You thought he was different. You fell for him again. You didn’t realize he just started another heartbreak.

Whether its a friend or a lover, it’s the same thing.

Is our life is just really a cycle? Is it really following a cycle that no one could ever change?

In this lifetime, nothing lasts. In this lifetime, there’s no such thing as “forever”.

You know what’s the only thing you could be happy about in reality? In the world were nothing lasts? In the world where “forever” doesn’t exist? It’s making the most out of everything. It’s being happy while you can. It’s laughing when you still have jokes you could laugh about. It’s smiling when you still have a reason to smile. It’s living when you’re still breathing.

What you have now will never last. Whatever it is, it will never last. That’s reality. But you know what you can keep? It’s the memories you got from your experience, memories that would let you remember the exact feeling you felt when that memory happened.

Nothing lasts. Forever doesn’t exist but one thing I’m sure of there’s one thing that lasts and it’s God’s everlasting love. That’s the only thing I’m sure of but besides that there’s nothing else. That’s reality or maybe at least for me.

Enjoy what you have while you can. Coz once it’s gone you can never get the same exact thing.

TRUSTING WAS NEVER EASY

Once you’ve lost my trust, expect one thing and that’s you’ll never getting it back.

It’s hard for me to trust people and once I do, they start showing me that they don’t deserve it.

Trusting people had always been hard and it seems harder now than it will ever be.

Lesson learned.

Don’t trust easily. Don’t give a damn if they’ll hate you for it. It’s you who’s giving your trust not them so they shouldn’t give a damn about the people you want and don’t want to trust.

IT’S YOUR LIFE NOT THEIRS.

Thank you BAWSE!

At this time, I should be sad and all because I couldn’t go to where I want to go but hey with your companion I’m smiling happily in front of my laptop while my headphones are on, watching your performances. It’s such a great feeling it’s giving me and I’m pretty high because of you. Thanks bawse! 🙂 You’re the best! Thanks for being with me at such time!

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This is just GREAT! When I hate complicated things, it’s what keeps coming to me.. Things had gotten more complicated now…. What could it actually mean? What could probably seeing YOU means? Could it really mean that it’s finally time that WE talk? Or could it really mean that I should just leave everything behind especially now, knowing you have a GF and well you were with her when we saw you.

Oh life! When I was here, saying how much I hated complicated things, it’s what keeps happening in my life. Who would have though – after what? Maybe 1? 2 years? – we met again and this time it’s definitely a shock. I’ve never seen you anywhere besides school, nor did I see you at a mall. But now, just a few moments ago, I did.

That moment when I saw you entering the restaurant, I had this urge inside me to just cry and I don’t know why. But one thing I’m sure of, that moment I saw you – sitting in front of me – I got nervous. Actually too nervous. I can’t even look at you in the eyes. I don’t know why.

But one thing I can definitely say I realized – well not only me – you never did start a conversation with me the first time you sat with us on our table. No hi no hellos but you have your greetings to my 3 friends. So what am I? Invisible?

The second time you sat with us was the moment you greet me with that simple touch of hands. Hearing you say “(my name), line time no see ah.” Those words, I dunno if I should be happy or not but things seems to be getting clearer now.

You not talking to me when you first sat with us in our table made me realize that our closeness really did disappear already. Realizing that, I also have to see I did feel that we had some issue. At least now, I wasn’t only one who felt that way?

Oh whatever! Maybe I’m just over thinking things.

I hope I am.

I wish I am.

If it was up to me, I’m just over thinking things.